Monthly Archives: August 2009

Subordinance

Posted on August 27, 2009 by Mary| 2 Comments

While sitting in mass on Sunday, there were some rather uncomfortable people in the seats around me as the lector got up to read the Epistle.

“Wives should be subordinate to their husbands,” he proclaimed, reading directly from the 5th chapter of Ephesians.  I began to hear the chuckles around me.  The women uncomfortably cleared their throats; some even rolled their eyes.

“Poor ignorant Paul,” they thought.  “Thank goodness we live in a much more enlightened time now.” If you looked across the church at that moment, I’m sure you could’ve found more than a handful of husbands nudging their wives.  Finally, someone who understands what a wife is supposed to be!

It’s funny; because every time that passage is read at mass, the same thing happens.  The same people become uncomfortable, flustered, and even angry.  As soon as that line is read, it’s as if we tune the rest of the reading out.  But why?

Today, the word “submission” has a very negative connotation.  It is linked with a master/slave type of relationship.  Clearly that is not a very Christian way to look at any relationships, and certainly not marriage.  If you were brave enough to listen to the next part of the reading, this is what you’d hear:

…Husbands, love your wives,
even as Christ loved the church
and handed himself over for her to sanctify her,
cleansing her by the bath of water with the word,
that he might present to himself the church in splendor,
without spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
that she might be holy and without blemish.
So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.

Ah.  So if wives are to submit to their husbands, this is what they are supposed to be submitting to:

  • Being loved, “as Christ loved the Church,”
  • A love that is self-giving, that “hands himself over for her…that she might be holy and without blemish”,
  • Someone who loves her “as his own body”.

So, do we really live in a “more enlightened time” now?  Because I sort of think that, regarding what a marriage is supposed to look like, Paul hit the nail on the head here.


Posted in Stuff Catholics Do

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High School Revisited

Posted on August 4, 2009 by Mary| 1 Comment


“Brothers and sisters:
I declare and testify in the Lord
that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do,
in the futility of their minds;
that is not how you learned Christ,
assuming that you have heard of him and were taught in him,
as truth is in Jesus,
that you should put away the old self of your former way of life,
corrupted through deceitful desires,
and be renewed in the spirit of your minds,
and put on the new self,
created in God’s way in righteousness and holiness of truth.”

-Ephesians 4:17, 20-24

The above passage from Ephesians just happened to be the second reading from this past Sunday’s mass.  It was one of those masses that, for me, it just felt like God was speaking directly to me with the readings He chose.  Because this weekend I realized something.

I’ve gotten so used to the community I’m surrounded by in all my classes, and my amazing friends at home, not to mention my family who are always there to build me up, that I sometimes forget that, in the grand scheme of things, the way I live my life is sort of weird.

High school often kept me conscious of this fact (as high school is generally quite good at poking at the insecurities of anyone).  Don’t get me wrong, I had a really great high school experience (probably just about as good as they come).  I had amazing friends and we did a lot of the normal high school things—like go to football games, dances, and laugh about stuff that no one else outside of our group would find funny.  But I still sometimes felt like a loser because I didn’t do some of the other things that most people considered normal for a highschooler—like drink, party, hook-up, or even freak dance at the dances.

I often struggled with this in high school.  It was tough being different.  I remember asking myself on several occasions if maybe I was being just a little too uptight (maybe you’re thinking right now that I was being a bit too uptight).  ”What’s the big deal?”  I’d think,  ”Everyone else is doing it.  It’s not even that bad compared to X, Y, or Z.”  Unfortunately, that little voice inside of my head wasn’t usually satisfied with comparative, or relativistic, morality.  Maybe it’s not that bad compared to something else, but that doesn’t mean it’s good.  Today, I praise God for giving me the strength to stand my ground in high school (…most of the time anyways.  I won’t claim that I never made mistakes.) —even though it may have made me feel like somewhat of a loser on certain occasions.

Well that’s all fine and good …but isn’t insecurity and caring about what other people think supposed to go away after high school?  I guess I never REALLY believed that it would.  I just hoped.

Sadly, it doesn’t.  I still constantly feel God calling me to look like a fool for Him in new and terrifying ways.  Whether that be in telling someone that He loves them, or admitting my failures and apologizing to someone I’ve hurt when it sounds so much more satisfying to give into stubborn pride and come up with all sorts of ways to justify my actions with sarcastic comments.  Sometimes it’s tough to “put on the new self,” as God calls us to do in Ephesians.  Sometimes the “old self” just sounds so much more comfortable.  But we need to always strive to be growing as people.  And sometimes to grow isn’t all that comfortable.

Posted in You & God, Youthful Antics

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Trust in the Lord with all Your Heart? But How?

Posted on August 3, 2009 by Mary| Leave a comment

Question:

How do you gain trust with God?  People can say that they have it.  How do you truly feel it?

Answer:

What a great question!

Trust is the foundation for any relationship.  Could you imagine a friendship without trust?  Maybe you’ve experienced that before.  It probably didn’t feel much like a friendship, did it?  Well, a relationship with God isn’t much different.  So let’s take a look at how we are able to build trust in human relationships, and then maybe the answer to this question will be a little more clear.

When you first meet a person, you have no reason not to trust them.  You just met; they haven’t had any chance to do something that would betray your trust.  In fact, in the time you have spent together (all 5 minutes of it), they’ve been pretty reliable.  But does that mean you trust them right away?  Unless you’re 5, it’s probably safe to say that the answer is no.

And there is nothing wrong with this.  It’s normal to not completely trust everyone you meet right away.  They could be a great person, but when you first meet them you don’t know that.  So how do you get to know that?

Trust starts with a relationship.  You wouldn’t date someone and decide to marry them if you never spent any time with them.  Spending that time with them allows you to build trust with that person.  You spend time with their friends and family and end up learning more about who they are.  Eventually, you’re comfortable with them and are able to trust them.  God really isn’t any different.  We need to spend time talking to Him in prayer in order to trust Him.  We need to surround ourselves with people that know Him, and read the Bible to learn more about who He is in order to be able to trust Him.

Now having said all that we’ll answer the question: How do I trust God?  I could tell you that I trust Him with every situation and, in theory, that would be correct.  But sometimes it’s a tug of war we don’t always realize we’re involved in.  Worry and trust don’t really go together, and one can spend a lot of time worrying about things that may or may not happen.  Handing it over to God is a relief and a weight lifted.

In my house (and now in my apartment at school), we have a prayer box my grandfather gave us.  It is just a simple wooden box with a lid, not magical or supernatural but helpful just the same.  He told us to write God letters—our hopes, our dreams, our worries, concerns—put it all out there.  Put the letter in the box and move on.  Our grandpa’s idea was to revisit the prayers on New Year’s Eve and see how God had answered those prayers.  You don’t need a box, just a pen and paper and private place to stash your letters.  Pour out your heart to God; it’s easy.  He’ll prove that He’s trustworthy.  You’ll learn to see and hear Him.  Talking to God will become as natural as breathing.  All I can say is try it.

Posted in Ask Mary, Stuff Catholics Do, You & God

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