Monthly Archives: October 2011

Do You Like Scary Movies?

Posted on October 27, 2011 by Mary| 3 Comments

It’s that time of year again. The air is a bit more brisk, pumpkin spice lattes have been back at Starbucks for a while now, and, thanks to your friends’ most recent Halloween-Party Facebook albums, you can hardly login without lowering the security settings on your browser.

Yep, Halloween must be right around the corner.

Now, I’m no Scrooge when it comes to Halloween (or whatever the Halloween-equivalent of a Scrooge would be).  And I didn’t write this post to lecture you beautiful ladies out there about the “cute” costumes you may be choosing to wear this month (but for a quick look at why you may want to re-think those, check out this post).

I’m writing this post because this time of year always seems to inspire curiosity about the paranormal among people.  And as young Catholics, we need to realize something.  Demons are real.  Hell is real.  Dabbling into the occult (tarot cards, séances, horoscopes, spells, psychics, etc.) is not a game.  When you do things like this, you open yourself up to all sorts of evil, and often without even being fully aware of the ramifications your actions will have on your life.  As one of the better films I have seen this year (The Rite) put it, “not believing in the Devil won’t protect you from him.”

If you’re looking for a movie to watch this Halloween, I really recommend The Rite.  The critics didn’t quite get it—they thought it was supposed to be a typical horror film.  And while it definitely scared me, it was more about a man coming to believe in the reality of evil, and through that journey, ultimately coming to believe in the power of God.  Of course, it goes without saying, this is not a film you want the little kids watching with you :)

When it comes down to it, yes—demonic possession is real.  Exorcisms happen (and praise God for that!).  But we’re missing the point if our discussion of the Devil ends there.  As scary as demonic possession is, we shouldn’t worry about it an iota as much as we ought to worry about demonic temptation, which happens to us on a daily basis, each time we are tempted to sin.

God is infinitely more powerful than the Devil.  Demons flee at the name of Jesus.  But when we commit mortal sin, we knowingly choose to reject God.  And when we’ve done that, we’ve knowingly chosen Hell.  Thankfully, our merciful God is always ready to forgive us in the sacrament of Reconciliation (which, FYI, is more powerful than an exorcism!).

Still, be careful of the kinds of things you are inviting into your life this time of year.

…And don’t forget to go to mass on Tuesday!  All Saints Day is a holy day of obligation :)

“Be vigilant and watchful.  Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for one to devour.  Resist him, steadfast in faith”

-1 Peter 5:8-9

Posted in Pop Culture, Stuff Catholics Do, Youthful Antics

Tagged , , , ,

Getting Married

Posted on October 25, 2011 by Mary| 4 Comments

Last week, a friend of mine shared this article with me and wanted to know my perspective on it.  In a nutshell, it’s an article written by a Catholic, basically arguing that Catholics should encourage their children to get married young.

From the article:

Many Catholics, like society at large, encourage their children to postpone marriage. Go to college. Get a job. Get financially stable. Date around. Find out who you are first, then consider marriage. Problem is, by the time you do all these things to find out who YOU are, the one things you can count is who you are is ‘not married.’ This is why people now do not get married until they are in their late twenties, if at all. By then, society has messed them up so much by a decade of self-centeredness that they will probably make lousy spouses.

While I don’t necessarily disagree with everything in the article, I think this is quite a jump to make.  Especially since I know there are many people who would LOVE to be married by 23, but that’s simply not God’s plan for them.  As unfair as it is to condemn young marriages across the board as being irresponsible or foolish, it’s just as bad to conclude that those people who get married in their 30s are selfish or will make “lousy spouses”.  Sheesh.

That being said, I do come from a family of people who happened to get married “young”.  My parents were married at 19, and all four of my siblings were married by their 25th birthday.  It wasn’t expected; it just worked out that way.  My dad wrote a guest post a while back about what a father ought to expect from a man wishing to marry his daughter (spoiler: there’s no age requirement—but men without concrete plans to support their families need not apply).

Every relationship is different.  While it would be wonderful if every couple could get married the second they knew they wanted to, often that’s not practical—nor is it prudent.  It’s ok to postpone marriage because you need to finish college first; not everyone can juggle both at the same time, and it certainly does not mean you’re selfish if you know yourself well enough to know that you can’t.

I do, however, feel compelled to say something here about chastity outside of marriage.  It’s difficult.  And quite frankly, dating the same person for ten years without getting married doesn’t make it any easier.  There may come a certain point when prudence calls for either getting married or breaking up, so as not to continue putting you and your significant other in unnecessary temptation.  Of course, if you love each other, breaking up may not seem like an option, and perhaps this is a reason why you shouldn’t be dating anyone if you know you’re nowhere close to being ready to get married in the first place.

Bottom line: this is a vocation we are talking about here!  It’s not something that can be figured out by a divine mathematical equation (i.e. If x = your age and y = the age of your significant other, multiply the difference by the square root of the number of years you have been dating and voila!  Your wedding date).  If only it were that simple.  :)

Rather than encourage people to get married young as a means of avoiding selfishness, why not encourage and pray for them to practice charity no matter what age they are or state of life they find themselves in?

As St. Therese of Lisieux put it, “My vocation is love.”

Posted in Ask Mary, Dating & Relationships, Pop Culture, Stuff Catholics Do

Tagged , , ,

“Everything Happens for a Reason”

Posted on October 20, 2011 by Mary| 5 Comments

I’m sure someone has told you this before, and you have probably even used it yourself.  Something awful has happened.  Your heart is smashed into a million pieces… You just failed a major test for which you studied for weeks… Your #1 college just rejected you.  So you turn to the person you always go to for advice.  With a sympathetic sigh they tell you,

“Everything happens for a reason, you know.”

So wise.  So true.  Yet so vague it’s almost meaningless.

It’s one of those bits of advice that only really means something a few years after you really needed it.  Only, by that point, a new terrible thing has happened in your life— but don’t worry!  Everything happens for a reason.  That makes it better, right?

Maybe a little.  But wouldn’t it help a lot more if you knew right now what that reason was?

So I’m officially proposing an amendment to the classic, go-to “everything happens for a reason” line.  From now on, don’t just tell yourself that this happened to you for some unknown reason.  Tell yourself that, yes, this happened for a reason, and that reason is to bring you closer to God.

Everything we do in life should be for the benefit of our relationship with God.  Even if it’s simply doing the dishes or waking up when our alarm clock goes off, we are called to be faithful in small matters so that God can lead us to the extraordinary that we so greatly desire.  God wants us to grow closer to Him with each new moment of each new day.  Isn’t it fitting, then, that everything that happens to us in our life—no matter how difficult or how little sense it makes to us at the time—ultimately happens so that we are able to accomplish His will for us?

The question is no longer: “Why did this happen?”  It now becomes: “How is this supposed to lead me to God?”

Posted in Dating & Relationships, You & God

Tagged , , , ,

Mature Eyes Only

Posted on October 18, 2011 by Mary| 5 Comments

I have a confession to make.

A few weeks ago, my sister-in-law and I rented the movie Bridesmaids.

I know, I know.  What kind of role model am I for the young Catholics of the world if I can willingly subject myself to such a film?  And why even tell you this at all?

Well, besides the fact that I want to be straightforward with my readers about where and who I actually am, I tell you this because I have a sneaking suspicion that many of you have seen, or will at some point in the future see, a film on par with Bridesmaids.  And I’d like to share a little secret with you.

Actual running time of Bridesmaids: 125 minutes. 

Time my sister-in-law and I spent watching Bridesmaids: about 100 minutes (and no, we didn’t press the Stop button before the final credits rolled).

Friends, allow me to re-acquaint you with the beauty of the fast-forward button (yes, it’s for more than just skipping over commercials during your pre-recorded TV shows).

Remember when you were younger, and you happened to be in the room with your parents when an inappropriate part of a TV show or movie came on?  If your family was anything like mine, one of three things happened:

  1. Your parents told you to cover your eyes (or did it for you)
  2. Your parents fast-forwarded until the part was over
  3. Your parents changed the channel or turned off the TV altogether

They did this for the same reason they did most things: to protect us.  They loved us and wanted to safeguard the innocence of our minds and hearts.

And then we grew up.

Our parents may have loosened up the leash a little bit, not because they no longer cared, but because we were now old enough to know right from wrong, and they couldn’t oversee every decision we made throughout the day.  It became our own responsibility to protect our own innocence.

Unfortunately, a lot of us misunderstood this.  We noticed that the world often frames inappropriate content as being for “mature” eyes only.  Subtext being: If you can’t subject yourself to watch what can hardly be labeled as anything other than soft porn (or worse), then you’re an immature little kid who still needs to grow up.

Well, I’m 21.  When I’m in a movie theater and stuff starts happening on the screen that, frankly, should not be happening on a movie screen, my eyes shift sharply downward (and I’m also not above covering the eyes of those around me—just ask any of my guy friends who have ever seen a movie with me :-P ). If it gets really terrible, I walk out of the theater and ask for my money back (which, for the record, I’m certain I would have done if I saw Bridesmaids in theaters).  If I’m at home watching a movie, those parts get fast-forwarded over.

To a lot of the world, this may mean that I’m immature, awkward, or worse.  But I know myself.  I’m human.  And yes, I’m weak.  The things I allow myself to see, hear, or do have an impact on me whether I want them to or not.  And as far as I know, there’s no magical age that humans outgrow that completely.

I’m not saying that you should all go out and rent the worst movies you can find just as long as you fast-forward through the bad parts.  Just remember that if you ever find yourself in a situation where any kind of evil is placed in front of you, you always have the option to turn away from it.  I think that recognizing your weaknesses and guarding against them takes a lot more maturity than staring helplessly at whatever is put on the screen in front of you.

 

Posted in Pop Culture, You & God

Tagged , ,

A Case for Public School (…kind of)

Posted on October 13, 2011 by Mary| 5 Comments

Question:

I’m a mom and cradle catholic who is wondering about how to school my kids. I see from your info on this blog that you attended public schools through high school. To what do you attribute your strong faith now? What people, practices of faith, challenges, shaped you into the person you are today? What would you do differently?  You also seem to have a good balance with popular culture, not shunning it altogether yet being discerning in your choices. This is an important skill to learn, because we’re social by nature and it is hard to share Christ if you’re too sheltered. Any thoughts on this aspect of being a good Catholic?

Answer:

Good question.  I will warn you…the short version of my answer to the homeschool vs. public school vs. private school question is simply: “I don’t know.”  It is something I go back-and-forth on all of the time, to be honest.  I will try to answer your questions about my specific background and we will see if that is helpful to either of us :)

Hands down, I attribute my faith to my family more than any other influence, and specifically to my parents (and of course it goes without saying that I was given such an amazing and faithful family by the grace of God).  Yes, I went to public school and no, we didn’t always get a family rosary in or memorize the Baltimore Catechism, but I never once questioned my parents’ love for Christ and His Church.  Religion wasn’t a game; and God was real.  Conviction like that demands your attention no matter how it is expressed.

For my family, it was expressed by living out the faith no matter what situation we were in.  If my sister and I had a cheerleading competition that happened to fall on Sunday, we may have had to skip out a little early and miss the awards ceremony because mass came first.  One year, we hosted an “All Hallows’ Eve” party at our house, which included listening to a portion of the Screwtape Letters on tape.  If we happened to have school on Good Friday, we would be taken out a little before noon to spend the afternoon either at service or in silence.

It wasn’t always easy; but I don’t think any path ever is.  Homeschoolers sometimes talk about feeling like they were missing out in high school when I often found myself feeling like I didn’t fit in entirely (there aren’t a whole lot of teenagers who are serious about taking their faith seriously).  Fortunately for me, that classic “rebellion against authority” phase that teenagers are often prone to often found its expression in taking pride in the fact that being a devout Catholic isn’t exactly “mainstream”.

And my parish youth group helped.  Actually, my youth group helped a lot.  And so did the fact that my parish had a blessed sacrament chapel open 24/7 to those who knew the door code…not that my parents ever let me go by myself past 6pm, but that chapel meant everything to me in high school.

Bottom line: I don’t think my parents laid out a battle plan the day my oldest brother was born and had it all figured out.  I think they followed God’s will to the best of their abilities and, for us, that ended up meaning living very much in the world, but always doing our best not to be of it.

All of that being said— I spent the past three years of my life in college getting to know some of the best people I have ever met.  Being at a small Catholic university, a good amount of them had been homeschooled.  And I’m not afraid to admit: there is a lot to love about homeschooling.

First of all: these people knew more about the faith when they were twelve than I knew going into my freshman year of college (and I was no dummy!).   Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean they loved God more than I did—but they knew a lot more about Him and therefore were able to love more about Him than I could.  Maybe I wouldn’t have appreciated it as much when I was nine…but who knows?

Secondly: as a public schooler, talking to a homeschooler about the books I have read (or, um, haven’t read) can just be embarrassing (a lot of smiling and nodding along happens).  Of course, there are exceptions: homeschoolers who hate reading and public schoolers who read everything.  But by and large, homeschoolers have read the classics by age 10 and public schoolers can graduate high school with an eighth grade reading level.

When it comes down to it, there are pros and cons to everything.  If you choose to homeschool, your kids will miss out on certain things, but the same will be true if you choose to put them in public school.  There is no objectively right or wrong way here; it is just what works best for you and your family (and ultimately, what will help get your children to Heaven…because, as far as I can tell, that is why God gives people children in the first place).

So, that’s my take.  Any homeschoolers out there want to share their perspective?

 

 

 

 

Posted in Ask Mary, Pop Culture

Tagged , , , ,