Question:
I’m an 18 year old female college student, and I have just gotten back in touch with Catholicism…
…I’ve thoroughly enjoyed getting back into my faith, but there is something that REALLY continues to rub me wrong. I’ve prayed and prayed about it, but I am not getting any answer. I’ve researched it, but just hear the same things over and over and it just doesn’t sit right with me, and that is the issue of contraception. I’ve read humanae vitae, I’ve researched “natural family planning”, and it all still leaves me completely unsatisfied still. I see where the Church is coming from on this issue, however, I feel that God has called me to do something else with my future besides staying at home with my “loving” husband and having a billion children…And then I went to the church and asked my female minister about it. The gist was this: If you have the financial capability, happiness, and wealth, your job is basically to be popping out children.
This just honestly does not sit right with me…Some women love being mothers, and being a mother is certainly an honorable duty, but I don’t think I’m cut out for it. I’m very ambitious and have goals of working for the Department of Defense, not sacrificing all my happiness because the Church says I should.
I was considering getting an IUD. I am not in a relationship currently and have no plans of having sex any time soon, but just in case, I know for SURE that I don’t want children for at least 5 years. I know the Catholic church hates “the pill” because there’s this ridiculously tiny chance that sperm and egg meet, but with an IUD, that never happens.
Is it still just so completely wrong? I’ve prayed and prayed about this issue, and have not received any answer it seems. I just get that same feeling I always have had. I don’t think birth control is such a horrible sin against God like people make it out to be. Prayer, research, and everything keep me coming to the exact same conclusions! I don’t want to say that God says it’s alright because I don’t know, but I’m not feeling a ridiculously large objection here!
What do you think? I’m just horribly frustrated. Thanks for any advice you can give.
Answer:
Thanks for this question. I would like to begin my answer by asking you a question of my own…
You say in your last paragraph, “I don’t want to say that God says it [birth control] is alright because I don’t know.”
My question is this: Why don’t you know?
A lot of people see the “rules” of our Catholic faith as something that tie us down and keep us from being free to discover God and the truth on our own. But this is a huge misunderstanding. For one, God is infinite, and so far beyond our human capability to understand that, were it not for Him reaching down to us and divinely revealing Himself to us, we would never be able to ascend to Him on our own. The truth is that, far from hampering our ability to know and understand truth for ourselves, the teachings of the Church (which come from the Holy Spirit revealed to the apostles and their successors) are precisely what enable us to understand truth in the first place. When we live the teachings of the Church, we become more—not less— free to discover truth, beauty, and goodness (and thus, God Himself).
My point: You actually do know what God says about birth control. He has told you in the moral teachings of the Church, that practicing artificial birth control is not, has never been, and will never be true, beautiful, or good for you.
Why Not?
Now, I could be totally off here. But it seems to me that your understanding of why the Church “hates” the pill is because it can, at times, act as an abortifacient?
That may be true…but that is not the only reason. The Church is also against condoms as a means of birth control, and they’re not aborting any babies either. There’s something deeper to the reason for this teaching that you may be missing.
Let’s talk nature. The natural end of sex is a baby, just like the natural end of food is nutrition. Not every crumb of food we eat ends up being used to nourish our bodies. And that’s ok. Likewise, not every sexual encounter results in a baby. And that’s ok, too.
But let’s say I decided I didn’t want to allow food to nourish my body at all—that I just wanted to enjoy the taste of it and nothing else. I could make the decision to vomit every meal (or at least the majority of meals) I consume. …But then you’d call me bulimic, because that behavior is disordered (hence the term “eating disorder”).
Likewise, I could decide I just want pleasure of the sexual encounter, without giving any real opportunity for the natural end (procreation) to occur. …But the Church would call that disordered because, well—from a purely natural standpoint—it is.
I know you said you’ve read it, but I’d like to direct your attention to paragraph 17 of humanae vitae for further clarification of the Church’s teaching on contraception:
Another effect [of the use of contraception] that gives cause for alarm is that a man who grows accustomed to the use of contraceptive methods may forget the reverence due to a woman, and, disregarding her physical and emotional equilibrium, reduce her to being a mere instrument for the satisfaction of his own desires, no longer considering her as his partner whom he should surround with care and affection.
Many may read this and scoff, but I think it’s pretty apparent that the widespread use of contraception has in fact led to this result. Sex has become little more than pleasure, and no longer a total gift of self (after all, you are holding a part of yourself back from your partner when you use contraception, so you cannot truthfully say you are giving yourselves entirely to one another in that union). As a result, those with whom we engage in the sexual act when we are using contraception become, for all practical purposes (and whether we are conscious of it or not), nothing more than objects we use to bring about our own pleasure. We may tell ourselves it’s ok because the using is mutual. Call the Church crazy, but it has always held, and will always hold, that the mutual using of one another for pleasure is not love.
NFP, IUDs, and The Pill
Natural Family Planning can be very effective when practiced properly. And while you should not practice NFP with a “contraceptive mentality,” not every Catholic couple is necessarily called to have 12 children, either. The following is an excerpt from a brief article that I think does a good job explaining the Church’s teaching with regards to the choice to have children:
There is no decision more serious to a Catholic couple than whether or not to participate with God in bringing a new human person into existence. The more serious a decision, the more it is due prayer, discussion and discernment. I teach my seminarians in Denver that God has a plan for every married couple; that the plan includes how many children they should have; and therefore if a couple is concerned about doing Jesus’ will, they should try to discover whether Jesus wishes them to have more children. They should have all the children that Jesus wants them to have, no less, and no more. Therefore, whenever they are conscious that they might become pregnant, they should discuss and pray over the question: “Does Jesus want us to have another child?” The idea that this question is intrinsically tainted with selfish motives is rigoristic and should be rejected. Every potentially fertile couple, as well as infertile couples capable of adopting, has the responsibility to ask it.
Finally: birth control pills and IUDs (in addition to the spiritual and emotional damage they can cause) are also associated with many other medical problems. And since you’re not yet married nor planning to get married anytime soon, there should be no reason why you’d be considering getting an IUD at this time anyway. (By the way, it is definitely not true that an IUD cannot cause an abortion).
The Church Wants You to Be Happy
If you get one thing from my reply, let it be this: God wants you to be happy even more than you want yourself to be happy. And seeing as He created you and thus knows you better than you know yourself, He knows better than you do what will make you happy.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m NOT saying: “God knows that 12 kids is really what makes every woman happy…so just drop this whole Department of Defense dream and start popping out babies.” (There are many examples of women in the Church whom we revere as saints that never had children!) What I am saying is this: you can’t be as happy as God wants you to be if you are disobeying the teachings of the Church that He established. They are there for a reason—and that reason is your happiness.
I don’t know what your vocation is. God could very well call you to marriage, religious life, or even to the consecrated single life. I can say with 100% certainty that whatever He calls you to, it will make you happier than you ever imagined. I can say with 100% certainty that eternal happiness is not something we have to wait until we die for. It is something that can begin right now by clinging to God in prayer and by living in accordance with the teachings of the Church (even when we may not fully understand them yet). I can say with 100% certainty that God will never desire for you to disobey the moral teachings of the Church, so if you think that you are hearing God tell you it’s ok, it’s probably not God’s voice you are listening to, but your own.
It’s a long answer, but it was a big question 
I hope it provided some clarity for you.
“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day’s own trouble be sufficient for the day” (Matthew 6:34)
A woman visited her doctor. “Doctor,” she said, “I have a perfectly functioning circulatory system.”
“That’s good,” the doctor replied.
“Well,” she said, “I was wondering if you could give me a drug to make it stop functioning the way that it is supposed to.”
“That’s crazy!” the doctor replied. “Why would I give you something to make your circulatory system stop functioning well?”
“Ok,” the woman replied, “but how about my respiratory system. It seems to be working fine. Could you give me something to mess it up?”
The doctor was shocked. “Of course not! No doctor in their right mind would intentionally give you a drug to mess up a healthy respiratory system.”
“Well, how about my reproductive system?” asked the woman. “Can you give me something to make it stop functioning the way that it is supposed to?”
“Certainly,” the doctor replied. “We have all kinds of medicines to do that.”
Awesome article, Mary! Where did you get the anecdote posted at the end?
Great answer to a question not asked often enough. I applaud(and sympathize)with the young woman who asked this question for starting the journey into understanding the church’s teaching on this issue. I pray that the holy spirit brings her the knowledge, understanding, and peace regarding this teaching indeed meant for our happiness. (…and until that time comes, I pray that she finds peace in having true faith in our beautiful catholic church to obey it’s teachings- even the difficult ones.) Mary, your answer was beautifully stated.
Does God really want us to be happy? I am kind of confused about this after seeing this quote:
“Does God want us to suffer? What if the answer to that question is ‘yes’? You see, I don’t think that God particularly wants us to be happy. I think He wants us to love and be loved. He wants us to grow up. You see, we are like children who think that our toys bring us all the happiness there is, and that our nursery is the whole wide world. But something has to drive us out into the world of others, and that thing is suffering. Put simply, pain is God’s megaphone to rouse a deaf world. We are like blocks of stone from which the Sculptor carves a form. The blows of His chisel which hurt us so much are what make us perfect.” – C.S. Lewis
(see Colossians 1:24)
Audrey, God wants us to reach Heaven. He wants us to be Saints, not in the future but right in this moment. What I believe C.S. Lewis is saying here is that sometimes to make us Saints, to purify us and those around us we must suffer. If you look at the Saints’ lives they suffer a lot. However, they do it joyfully. St. Therese the Little Flower is a beautiful example of this. This does not mean that God wants us to be miserable. People should not look at us and see people living in sadness and pains of the world. There will be moments when He will allow suffering to enter into our lives. It is how we respond to it that will determine if it leads us closer to or further away from salvation. C.S. Lewis is also saying that we don’t need all the “toys” to bring us happiness. That is what the world sees as happiness. That is not reality. God wants us to find joy always, even when it hurts. Because no matter what suffering we might encounter, Christ is our Savior, our Lord, our Redeemer. That is enough!
Thank you for answering!
I wish every one of my Catholic friends would read and fully understand this article. I have 5 children and get asked constantly by my peers and drs, “well are you finished yet?!” I have been lectured to about the different methods of birth control and that I NEED to get on something ASAP! I politely tell each of them that I practice the Creighton Model and have had wonderful success thus far. My first two children were conceived on birth control. My third us the product of a rape (yes, I KEPT her- and she’s absolutely PERFECT!). I began practicing the creighton model right after she was born and my last two children were completely planned. God obviously wanted me to have these children. Now, I think we may be done for a little while, but its truly up to God. I will not go back on birth control. It messed up my body, my mind and obviously didn’t work. If God wants my husband and I to have more children, HE will grant it without me forcing something unnatural into my body and without me withholding myself from my husband. Love your articles Mary!
First of all good for you for keeping your baby, that must of been not without it’s difficulties and you are a very brave and strong women. Your last line though I did not understand, what are you withholding from your husband?
Great article, Mary! A wonderful firm, but loving response. I also am proud of this young woman who is striving to come back to the Catholic Church. Keep it up, and embrace all Her teachings with your whole heart!
Well done, well spoken. It took my husband and I 4 years to read and pray through the issue. I wish all Catholics took the time to seriously reflect on Humanae Vitae. IUD are abortafacients as well, they do not inhibit ovulation they create a hostile uterine environment. There are 4 to5 breakthrough ovulations a year on the pill, so that’s not quite miniscule. I would suggest Catholic sources. Janet Smith, One More Soul, William May. Perhaps take it to eucharistic adoration also. Our journey has been an evolving one of great blessing beyond our expectations. Not only are the children great blessings, but our marriage is truly an example of the grace that comes out of embracing the teachings. The less than 1% divorce rate reflects that grace. We have 8 children, by ‘choice’..ours and Gods…with three 4 year gaps.
I think this problem really boils down to how much you’re willing to love, to trust God and your partner, and to sacrifice in the name of that love. I am a practicing Catholic woman who has been married for about six months. Finances are really tight, and I am in the middle of finishing my undergraduate degree so conceiving at this point would mean a sacrifice of finances, time, education, and even a career. So, my husband an I practice NFP. It would be so easy to turn to artificial contraception as a way to avoid pregnancy. But we won’t.
Why? Because as spouses my husband and I don’t want to deny the true meaning and purpose of our sexuality to each other. Because we are willing to trust that even though resources are limited we have each other to rely on. Because we have faith that God has it all planned out and if we conceive it will be for his greater glory. Because sacrificing a career, your body, your time, your energy, your LIFE in the name of another person, in the name of your family is how we find true meaning and discover who we really are. The real question is why would you NOT want love in such a completely selfless way?
I seriously am just in love with your response to this Mary. I love how firm you stand on practicing NFP. I am only 18 and because of this post and your other post about having 17 children when you grow up, I too have fully decided that NFP is the way to go…. now I just have to wait for God to bless me with a husband. Anyways, thanks again for the wonderful post Mary!
“The whole trouble is that — literally — we do not know what is good for us; and what makes the trouble still worse is that we think we do. We have our own plans for our happiness, and too often we merely regard God as somebody who will help us to accomplish them. The true state of affairs is just the opposite. God has His plans for our happiness, and He is waiting for us to help Him to accomplish them. And let us be quite clear about it: We cannot improve on God’s plans.” ~M. Eugene Boylan, O.C.R.
Great post, Mary.
One additional point that might be worth expanding on: A lot of people seem to think these days that the only appropriate life for a Christian is getting married (or for Catholics: the alternative of consecrated celibacy.) Thus we see people saying things like what your correspondent was told, “If you have the financial capability, happiness, and wealth, your job is basically to be popping out children.”
But the Church does not teach this. People may well be called to an active single life in the laity. The Church has absolutely no problem with this. If your correspondent wants to pursue a high flying, ambitious career, in the Defense Department or elsewhere, that’s absolutely fine!
Where the Church does become more countercultural is in saying that sex has an inextricable connection with procreation, and that the only proper place for sex is within marriage. Thus, marriage is a state that should be open to children. During the marriage ceremony, the couple is asked if they will be open to the blessing of children. This isn’t just a matter of, “If you accidentally get pregnant, will you keep the baby,” (though that’s important.) Rather, if a couple seriously intends never to have children, the Church would see that as an obstacle to contracting a valid marriage. Marriage is for the purpose of starting a family. It’s not just a romantic relationship, but a family one. (This does not mean that there’s something invalid about the marriage of a couple that is not physically able to have children. This may be a source of sadness to the could, but it certainly doesn’t mean their marriage is bad or invalid. The problem is if a couple actively does not want children in the first place.)
So from a Catholic point of view, your correspondent can certainly get a big, “You go girl!” on her ambitions. But if she is really, really sure that she never wants to have children, that may be an indication that marriage is not for her.
Of course, she’s also very young. Getting married at 18 is usually a pretty bad idea anyway these days. It may be that after five or ten years of chasing her dreams and not feeling like she’s called to be a mother, she’ll realize that getting married and having children is no longer unattractive to her. And there’s certainly nothing wrong with that either.
Thanks, Brendan. Very well-put!
I hope this does not come across as condescending, because I do not intend it to be. But I was in the questioner’s shoes at the same age. When I was 18 I wanted nothing more than to be a criminal psychologist and work for the FBI. I was in college studying towards my degree, and already had the contacts with and application to the bureau. I was all set. And marriage and children were two things I absolutely did not want. But God had other plans for me. I met my now husband in my sophomore year of college and right now, at 32, I am a faithful housewife, mother of two, and soon-to-be homeschooler. At 18 I would have scoffed at the idea I would be where I am today. But I am ridiculously joyful at the turn of events.
That does not mean the questioner’s vocation is to get married and have a family. God could truly be calling her to that great DOD career! But I would just urge a bit of caution in thinking you’re completely set on this at this age. Because a lot can happen in a very short period of time that may change your outlook on things. And you have to be open to accepting God’s plan for your life even if that means that what you think will make you happy at the moment ends up flying out of the window.
My point, in a nutshell, is stay open to anything that the Lord may be calling you to. And be happy that you’re doing His will, regardless of where He leads you; even if that means you end up being a big wig at the DOD, or a mom with a big family, or a consecrated single, or whatever. Find your happiness with God and the rest of it won’t matter as much.
When I was 18, I thought I knew exactly what I wanted from life. I didn’t want children or a husband. All I wanted was a fabulous career. But God works in mysterious ways. When I went away to college, I went through some dark, dark days that eventually led me back to the Church. I started to question my vocation, but I never gave any thought to a husband or children. In the meantime I dedicated myself to school. It wasn’t until I met my husband that I knew that I wanted to be married, and yes, even have children. If you would have told me that I’d feel that way one day, I never would have believed you. That’s how sure I was. So never say never. Frankly, I’ve changed so much in the past seven years, that I wouldn’t even recognize my 18 year old self.
I’ll keep you in my prayers.
The writer implies that she is planning or at least open to having sexual intercourse in the near future despite not being married. Sex outside of marriage is sinful. This may be the source of her confusion.
She should start with the ten commandments and work her way up to Humanae Vitae.
What is a “female minister” and why is loving husband in quotes?
There is something unusual about this girl.
Here’s the best sermon I’ve ever heard on NFP:http://www.audiosancto.org/sermon/20120212-The-Sanctity-of-Marriage-The-Duty-of-Motherhood-Versus-the-Abuses-of-NFP.html
And Pope Pius XII’s address to large families ought to be required reading! http://www.catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?id=5370
Mary: I was raised to believe that God said to be fruitful and multiply. I
Do not believe that God would wrong anyone that plans out thier future. I also believe that birthcontrol is a sin when it is used secretly to purposly not have children when youre in a relationship with someone that does want kids. I believe the church only sees one color when it comes to that. It is something that you will just have to give to God. I dont think good intentions are a sin.
Hello Mary,
First I want to say that I admire you for pursuing your faith and a relationship with Jesus Christ. As you mature in life and in your faith, this will be easier to understand, but all this boils down to is trusting in the will of God for your life. In Jeremiah 29:11 He tells us,
“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”.
And He means it! Birth control is more about interfering with God’s will than anything else and the church rightfully instructs us to leave it in God’s hands, as we should with everything. It’s crazy how simple this is and how complicated we can make it!! It’s about living for Him, not ourselves, and when we reconcile this, we find an inner peace and joy that only complete trust in our Father, our Saviour, can bring, no matter what the circumstance in your life may hold. He loves us more than we can fathom, and if He wills children for you, it will only be GOOD, it can only be good if it comes from Him, because He is good. And He will provide. Your prayer can be as simple as the virgin Mary’s answer to Him, Let it be done to me according to your will, I am your handmaiden”. In her surrender, Mary bore her son, the Lord, to save humanity! And always rest in knowing that if you let God, nothing that happens to you, whether it be children or a career or both, can be a bad thing. Allow Him to choose for you, you won’t be sorry. So don’t worry, keep praying and stay faithful and hopeful and all your dreams, the desires of your heart, will not only be revealed to you, they will be fulfilled by the one who made you and who loves you more than you will ever know.
Mary, I’ve always known the teachings of the church and have happily followed them. At eighteen I could have never imagined myself married with children. I didn’t even feel that motherly feeling when I got married, but my husband and I were open to children from the day we were married. Now, it is heavy on my heart. I know God’s timing is best but somethings it is difficult to wait. I say this so you can just pray for wisdom. There are so many who want children so badly. I will pray for you. Please pray for me.
You will be in my prayers!
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I am a new, soon to be Catholic and also a newlywed of just a few months. I have my very Catholic husband to thank for my new found faith in God. I love this journey! In the process, I want to be a better person and better Catholic.
I have been on birth control since I was 17, 6 years now. Not thinking anything of it until I became interested in the Catholic religion. I take birth control not only for the obvious reasons, but also because I also have epilepsy and my epilepsy medication can cause fatal birth defects to myself or the child. I truly feel that Natural Family Planning is not even an option for my husband and I, the risks are too great. When the time comes to have children, there is a process with my meds to safely get pregnant however, it must be very planned.
No one ever seems to adress this side of the issue. I constantly feel like I’m in the wrong by protecting my unborn child. Am I? I want to do the right thing but I’m not sure what that is anymore…
I suffer from PCOS and I was worried about going on the pill as well (PCOS is managed by going on the Pill in order to regulate hormone production). I talked to my priest and he said that the Catholic church approves the use of artificial birth control so long as it is not to interfere with family planning. So, if you have a valid medical reason to be on artificial birth control, you are allowed to take it.
“And while you should not practice NFP with a ‘contraceptive mentality,’
not every Catholic couple is necessarily called to have 12 children,
either.”
Wow. What am amazing display of double think. The entire point of any kind of family planning is to deny or delay childbearing. That’s what the pill does. That’s what the condom does.
And that what’s family planning does. Even if you slap the term “Natural” in front of it to make you feel better.
Hey there!
I know online it’s easy to forget that you’re actually speaking to another person, but I’d remind you that a little Christian charity is appreciated when leaving a comment on my posts–thanks
NFP is not acceptable by Church teaching in all cases by any means, but to space out births when just causes are present is actually 100% in line with what the Church teaches. Please present me with the facts that state otherwise if you believe they are out there.
I would direct your attention to paragraph 24 of humanae vitae.
Use the pill for a month while having sex. No pregnancy.
Use condoms for a month while having sex. No pregnancy.
Use NFP for a month while having sex approximately for a possible 10-11 days of the month because that’s when fertility is low. No pregnancy.
Different ways of getting the same thing. No real difference.
Well, NFP does have a difference I guess. It means having a lot less sex.
I see why the Catholic Church approves.
I think you need to read the post a bit more carefully (and spend at least 10 minutes learning about what NFP actually is).
“A lot less sex” – actually it’s typically like 4 days out of the month when a woman is most fertile. Yeah, it requires some self-control. Real love requires sacrifice sometimes.
But you’re right. They are different ways of achieving the same thing. The difference between NFP and artificial birth control is like the difference between going on a diet and having an eating disorder. One is natural and can be healthy for you; the other is never healthy and always damaging to you.
“A lot less sex” – actually it’s typically like 4 days out of the month when a woman is most fertile.
Sure, if you’re okay with a happy “accident.” If you truly wish to ensure no pregnancies, or pardon me, “spacing” pregnancies, than you have to schedule around the fact that sperm has been recorded to live in the uterus for a week or even more, than that leaves the space of around 10-11 days.
And if your spouse ain’t there, or if the woman doesn’t want sex because low fertility times are when they are least interested. Too bad. Maybe next month.
“The difference between NFP and artificial birth control is like the
difference between going on a diet and having an eating disorder. One
is natural and can be healthy for you; the other is never healthy and
always damaging to you. ”
Yeah, the pill and condoms are totally like eating disorders. They both cause dangerous disruptions in bodily chemistry, have addictive compulsive qualities, and can even kill you.
Oh, wait, no they don’t do that.
I would just like to add that as a woman of faith who happens to be a lawyer who had a big job and a big dream and gave it all up to raise our five children what makes me happy as a grown woman is not at all what i thought would make me happy when I was 18. Not that 18 year old me would have listened to this (but you seem wiser about discernment then me) I would never have dreamed my children would make me happy. They have taught me more about love and happiness and true contentment then I could have ever imagined. It turns out God’s plan that women take joy and solace from their children is correct. Don’t get me wrong I am proud of my ability to contribute to society I just realized my biggest contribution ultimately is as a mother.
sometimes Gods plan really does make us happier.
[…] “Church-Approved Birth Control” and A Lesson in Logic March 6, 2012 I got a question from a reader asking why NFP is ok when the Church says artificial birth control is not. I was reminded of this comment I received on a recent post of mine: […]
well said, well said, i always say that artificial contraception just makes the women an object to be used and abused (usually that statement makes people mad for some odd reason), you are very wise
Congrats you just cost the world another brilliant women, women are more than baby machines
First and foremost, I find it unbelievably offensive for you to claim that mothers cannot be brilliant women.
Secondly, I never said that women are meant to be baby-making machines. But sex is ordered to the natural end of fertility. The Church would say that women and men alike should remain single if they do not feel called to have children. Sex is too big a deal to be reduced to a mere means of self-gratification.
I appreciate that this space is more about supporting people who already believe the same thing, but if this was meant to explain the position of why the church is opposed to birth control to someone who doesn’t understand it already, it doesn’t really do that.
There is zero logic to comparing the control of the reproductive system to halting the circulatory or respiratory system, two functions without which you cannot survive. I would argue a better analogy would be taking medication to control acne. Sure, you could learn to live with it and perhaps even be a better person for learning to love yourself without clear skin. But why should you, especially if doing so would cause you great unhappiness?
Interesting point of view. The thing is, acne is an infection of the skin, which otherwise is meant to be clear and acne free, i.e. in its healthy state. Likewise, the healthy state of the reproductive system is to function properly, which birth control typically thwarts. So I don’t think the acne medication analogy really follows. One is restoring something to a healthy state, the other is altering an otherwise healthy and functioning system.
I would like to say I Loved this. And specifically the part where God is infinate and how finite our understanding of Him is. As humans will make mistakes, step off the path but He loves us despite this. It is hard to trust God especially on this topic, but the point is if you believe in Him, His love for you than you know that He has a plan for you. Sometimes it is hard to trust in this plan. We all have times where we feel we need to be in control of our lives. As a married woman I am not perfect by any means but I know I feel safer in God’s arms, I feel better when I follow his plan it just sometimes takes me a while to see why. There is the a standard that I will strive to live by because in it is beauty, truth, life and love. Thanks be to Jesus Christ for showing me the way and for dying so that I may live despite my lack of faith at times.
Or a better answer would be, uphold marrying to an age you are sure what you want. Get a career first, finish you university, etc. then you can see whether or not you wanto to marry. Or just don’t marry at all! There’s nothing wrong with not being married.
Also, the ancient jews practiced a ritual where after menstruating and waiting the seven days of purification, men and women would mate at that moment. The way I see it, it also looks like an efficient way to not get pregnant.
Abby Johnson wrote about the hormonal IUD, the Mirena. The Mirena works in much the same way as the Pill, but it does add a foreign body response to increase the effectiveness of the hormones.
The copper IUD , the Paragard, works by creating a hostile uterine environment that keeps sperm and egg from meeting. The copper ions and foreign body reaction are extremely efficient at killing sperm and egg. An abortifacient effect has been theorized for years, but has never been observed.
Just because the Paragard may not be abortifacient does not mean that it is not problematic. First are the series of side effects that may come from using it. These can be mild, like heavier periods and mood swings, or more serious, like uterine perforation. Also, copper is not just toxic to sperm and egg, but to the body as a whole. While the Paragard is marketed as “hormone free”, the copper does indirectly impact hormone levels. A study from Argentina shows that the copper released from the IUD can lead to a damaging buildup of copper in the body after only two years. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19931365 . The Paragard is FDA approved for 10 years.
Any IUD can become embedded in the uterine wall or the strings can break or retract into the uterus requiring surgical removal.
Most troubling is what happens if the IUD fails and the user becomes pregnant. If this happens, the IUD must be removed immediately. Unfortunately, this is not always possible. If the IUD is left inside during the pregnancy, the pregnancy becomes a high risk pregnancy and has a very high risk of miscarriage.
The Catholic Church teaches that a person should not harm their bodies for sex. The teaching really is common sense when you think about it, but our culture and the pharmaceutical industry want people to think that doing so is somehow “responsible”. This is why hormonal contraceptives, IUDs, and sterilization (male and female) are morally wrong.
Put another way, don’t fight nature because nature fights back.
Great explanation! Excellencio!!!
Hear the other side. My mom was catholic. She had six kids. She hated being a mom and we all suffered for it. I don’t believe in terminating a pregnancy, but preventing one is far better than having kids you are just going to resent and abuse. When priests and popes can get married and have children themselves; children they can’t afford, then I am sure the teaching on birth controle will change.
there are natural ways to prevent pregnancy as well. And the Church by no means supports resenting and abusing your children.
There are actually already priests in other rites of the Church that are married and have kids. Priests and popes don’t make up the rules. They have been given us by God, through divine revelation and/or the natural law.
I am the product of NFP that did not work and I prayed the price for it. Actually priests and popes have been making up the rules all along. Read your Bibles, people. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide. You can’t keep saying that birth control is preventig God from making a life. You can’t prevent God from anything. What about all the kids born out of wedlock? Did God have a part in those conceptions? By catholic standards He must of. Therefore, it could not have been wrong, correct. Rape, incest, teen getting pregnant. Apparently all these acts are okay becuase God helped produce a baby in many of these circumstances. Or, was it just…..accidental? God is commapassionate. He does want us to do things in right order. Get married then have sex so that any children produce have a better chance at a safe and secure environment. But the decision to have children is a personal one between God and the married couple. Don’t put a guilt trip on people. God doesn’t. If He wants them to have a child, he will prepair their harts for that. Trust in God and the Holy Spirit to guide you. Not in men who “claim” authority but have none. Only God has authority.
P.S. when I was 13 my 18 year old brother was molesting me. I told my mom and she went to talk to her favorite priest. He told her not to worry, that my brother would soon outgrow this behaivor. So, I had to endure that abuse until I was old enough to leave and take care of myself. Yeah, abusive people should not be allowed to have children.
I’m sorry, Rita. I happen to believe that your life is precious. And you were willed into existence by a loving and merciful Creator.
God is soverign. Once I finnaly opened my Bible and read for myself and learned who He is through the Holy Spirit, I bagan to heal. But if God wills everyone who is here, did he also will the means for their existance. Did he will the rape that caused a person? Did he will the teen agers to get pregnant? People need to take responsibilty up front to prevent unwanted pregnancies. I am not saying terminate. I know wonderful kids today who were supposed to be aborted. No, I am talking prevention. The church does not need to be guilting people into having kids. Leave that up to them and God. If you trust in the Holy Spirit, then He will work in the lives of people to do what is right. Not everyone is cut out to be parants. They should not be, then. But, if unwanted pregnancies can happen out of wedlock, then they can happen in wedlock. I understand the idea of contraception. If I were married it would be a very serious topic with my spouse. On one hand I say “who am I do decide who can be conceived or not.” But then on the other side, that justifies every rape and incest and prostotution that causes pregnanacies. It is not a simple topic no matter how you look at it. That is why I say the catholic church needs to back off and let people make their own decisions with God and the Holy Spirit. It is not any humans place; not pastor, not priest, not institution to guilt a person into having kids. It is shamfull to do so.
God willing the existence of people does not necessitate that He will the way in which they were conceived. It is rather a testament to the amazing power of God to bring good out of evil.
If your understanding of the hierarchy of the Church is something that acts independent of God, then I understand your desiring them to butt-out. But surely God must have a say in what goes on between a husband and wife? The Catholic understanding is that God wills that husband and wife be open to life. You’re absolutely right that not everyone is cut out to be a parent. But marriage is meant for the purpose of family life. To separate marriage from openness to life is to distort marriage.
I feel no “guilt” from the Church to have children. I feel an overwhelming desire based on my vocation to bring children into the world through God’s help. Marriage is a vocation–a calling from God– and must be discerned as such.
Marriage does not automatically equate to “family life.” Marriage is between two people and God. Not having children doesn’t distort marriage. The attitude that people ‘have to have’ kids when they get married is a distortion of marriage. By virtue of that idea, all poeple who can’t have children can’t be “open” to life; therefore, their marriages are distorted. Sad, very sad indeed.
It’s intellectually dishonest to pretend that the primary natural end of sex is not new life. Yes, another important aspect of the sexual union is the closeness it provides, but even this is incomplete when you’re holing a part of yourself back from your spouse when practicing artificial contraception. People always jump to the conclusion as you just did that, by this logic, we Catholic must hold that infertile couples cannot marry. This is false.
I will borrow an example from a book I am reading that, though its purpose is to argue for marriage as the union of one man and woman, I believe does an excellent job arguing against the use of artificial contraception:
“The idea that we are trying to explain is not that the relationship of marriage and the comprehensive good of rearing children always go together. It is that, like a ball and socket, they fit together: that family life specially enriches marriage; that marriage is especially apt for family life, which shapes its norms….
…if there is some basic connection between the comprehensive good of procreation (hence family life) and the bond of marriage, we can expect a parallel link between procreation and the activity that enacts, renews, and embodies a marriage…Procreation is the good that fulfills and extends a marriage, because it fulfills and extends the act that embodies or consummates the commitment of marriage: sexual intercourse, the generative act…
…In short, marriage is ordered to family life because the act by which spouses make love also makes new life; one and the same act both seals a marriage and brings forth children…
…This is not to say that infertile couples cannot marry. Consider again the sports analogy: The kind of cooperation that makes a group into a baseball team is largely aimed at winning games. Teammates develop and share their athletic skills in the way best suited for honorable wins…but such development and sharing are possible and inherently valuable for teammates even when they do not win a game.
…Just so, marital cooperation in both sexual and domestic life is characteristically ordered to procreation and childrearing. Spouses develop and share their whole selves in the way best suited for honorably parenting—for example, with broad domestic sharing and permanent, exclusive commitment. But such development and sharing, including the bodily union of the generative act, are possible and inherently valuable for spouses even when they do not conceive.”
The significance of Meals in Current Culture
I am actually in a very similar situation as you because I feel called by God to adopt all of my children; and only adopt. It’s also a topic that I am very passionate about and I am not interested in bringing my own children into this world. I haven’t received hardly any support I feel from my Catholic community because it isn’t practical to them; how am I suppose to be married in the future but not plan on procreating? How do I avoid pregnancy AND contraception? It’s been very difficult for me and I don’t know the answer yet, but I just want you to know that you are not alone and we can pray together and for each other that answers can be heard and accepted.
God Bless. < 3
> I can say with 100% certainty that whatever He calls you to, it will make you happier than you ever imagined.
Sorry, but that’s just nonsense. You can say that about heaven, but not life on this earth, this “vale of tears.”
[…] I received a comment on an old post in which I assured a reader that following God’s plan for her life is what will truly lead to […]
Thanks for your post, Mary. I, for one, am a cradle catholic who has recently ‘returned’ to the church after a rebellious period in my life (during which I got married, in the Catholic Church, but ignored most of the teachings during the process). I have a Protestant husband that does love God, but his church has been pretty open to contraception use for married couples. It’s been two and a half years since we married. We have no kids because I’ve been on the pill. I’m now praying over and researching NFP, hoping and also praying that my husband will come around to it. I will say, I am totally afraid, and openly admitted to God that I am scared of the addition of a new life to our family right now, and that I need help and guidance from the Holy Spirit.
That being said, let me play devil’s advocate here. If we are called to only use NFP during ‘grave times’, I am assuming that one of the meanings of ‘grave’ is of economic hardship. I suppose my question is, how are we to support the Church through tithing, support the economy AND, assuming it is part of our duty as catholic parents, send our children to catholic school (so to also support our archdiocese)? I guess I am confused on that…
Another question I have for you guys…we obviously know that God is constant, eternal and ever-present. But it is clear that our history as humans is not. Our cultures all have changed. Perhaps this is out of corporate dominance, consumerism, etc., but the point I’m making is, our earth is becoming so overpopulated! Shouldn’t we be stewards of the earth? More people=more pollution= environmental effects. I myself am in the environmental field, so I understand that hormones pollute the water, but the water supply is dwindling. Our water usage rates (I can say with real confidence) are at record-highs. Our landfills are aplenty.
Now, to argue my own points, perhaps the second coming of Jesus would have already happened had all of us been diligent about following our Church’s teaching. I just wonder sometimes if God put contraception on this earth to slow us down.
Also, if someone is practicing NFP, they’d either be using it with a “contraceptive mindset” or not. Then why use it as opposed to not tracking at all? God’s infinite wisdom and power are WAY over all of our heads. It’s overwhelming to think about! I just trust he will guide me, and my husband, in the right direction through prayer and meditation.
[…] I got a question from a reader asking why NFP is ok when the Church says artificial birth control is not. I was reminded of this comment I received on a recent post of mine: […]
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My wife and I have followed what the Church Teaches in regard to Humane Vitae and have four children. Almost all of the other couples we know have at least 3 or 4 kids. There is something about NFP that opens your heart to God and having more children if it’s His Will and prudent given your situation.
The local “catholic” high school is between $11k and $16 k per year. It truly appears to me that none of the families who follow what the church teaches on marriage and family can possibly afford to go there.