Monthly Archives: March 2012

The Guy-Girl Friendship

Posted on March 29, 2012 by Mary| 6 Comments

Stop me if you’ve heard this one.

Men and women can’t be just friends.

It was the main point of a video that made the rounds a few months back in the wonderful world of social media, shared below for your convenience.

Makes a compelling case.  But regardless of which side of the fence you find yourself on in this debate, I think there is one thing on which we can all agree: dynamics are certainly different when there are members of the opposite sex present in a group of people than they are in a group composed of only men or only women.  Translation: Ladies, your “best guy friend” acts differently when he’s with you than he does when he’s with his best guy friend (and he probably doesn’t refer to him as that, either).

As the video points out, the number one obstacle to a true guy-girl friendship are those pesky feelings.  You may not have them for your friend, but whose to say that your “friend” doesn’t have them for you?  And whose to say that your or your friend’s feelings won’t change (even if it be for no other reason than loneliness or boredom)?  Let it be said that this tendency towards “feelings” is actually a good thing, so don’t try to snuff it out, because it only means you’re human.  But knowing the tendency exists and being overcome by it are two different things.  It’s the difference between living in reality and living in the seventh season of a sitcom.  This is why we set boundaries.

The fact of the matter is: we are going to have friendships with people of the opposite sex.  It’s a good and healthy thing—except when it’s not.

Given that the guy-girl friendship is a different relationship with different dynamics than a friendship made up of members of the same sex, it’s fitting that behavior patterns ought to be different as well.  For example, it’s not exactly appropriate to have a sleepover with your friend of the opposite sex, whereas it’s totally normal behavior for friends of the same sex to stay the night at one another’s house from time to time.  But that’s an obvious one (or at least, it was when we were 10, maybe not so much sometimes now that we’re older unfortunately).  What kinds of emotional boundaries should there exist between friends of the opposite sex?

I’ve always thought that a good rule of thumb is to think of what it would be like if you or your friend was involved in a romantic relationship.  Better yet, imagine it was your husband or wife who had a friend of the opposite sex, and what boundaries you would want that relationship to have.  You probably wouldn’t be cool with them going out for coffee three times a week and texting every other hour.  If that’s the case and yet that relationship describes your friendship with someone of the opposite sex right now, then it may not be the healthiest of relationships.

If it looks like a date, walks like a date, and smells like a date, then it just might be a date.  Persistent one-on-one outings with the same friend of the opposite sex sends a message, not just to other people who may notice (and yes, they notice), but to yourself and to your friend.  Better to set the boundaries for yourself now than to be wishing you did down the line when things get complicated.

Have all of the friends of the opposite sex that you please, but it’s of the utmost importance that you also have close friends who belong to your gender as well.  I don’t care how well your best guy friend “gets” you— Only a woman can truly understand what it means to be a woman and only a man can truly understand what it means to be a man.  Trust me, your relationships with people of the opposite sex will be all the more meaningful once you have real relationships with people of the same sex.

And, of course, as all relationships ought to be, ground your friendships—regardless of gender—in God and in prayer.  :)

 

 

 

 

Posted in Dating & Relationships, Youthful Antics

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More Than Modesty

Posted on March 27, 2012 by Mary| 5 Comments

As a young Catholic woman, I have heard countless talks and read plenty of books that go into great detail about how a gentleman is supposed to treat a lady.

He is supposed to open doors for her.  He is supposed to give her his jacket when she is cold.  He is supposed to be respectful of her.  He is supposed to fight for her and defend her honor, etc. (And, generally speaking, this is all men with all women, regardless of romantic feelings.)  I have been privileged to know many such men throughout my life.

As Christian women, we are told to settle for nothing less than true chivalry from the men in our lives.  And while it is true that we should expect to be treated with the level of dignity and respect that we naturally deserve, I feel as though many of us miss an important piece of the puzzle during our formation as young Catholic women.  We learn how men are supposed to treat us and what we are to expect from them and what we shouldn’t settle for.  But in all of this learning about what to expect to receive, what is our proper response?

My fear is that a young Catholic woman’s formation can sometimes boil down to this:

Men are supposed to treat us wonderfully, perform all of these heroic acts for us, and generally feel honored to be in our presence.  And in return?   We’ll dress modestly so as not to lead them into sin. 

Something just does not add up here.  As women, we are to expect all of these wonderful gifts and gestures from the men in our lives, and the only thing we are to give in return is often expressed in terms that seem to serve primarily to highlight the man’s tendency toward lust as opposed to a gift motivated simply out of love to show how much we truly care for him.

Of course modesty is important and can be (and most often is) motivated out of love.  But I think that a woman’s call in her relationships with other men is to more than simply modesty.  In fact, I think modesty is, and ought to be articulated as, simply just one facet of our active reception of chivalry as woman.

To expect something is one thing.  To actively receive it is another thing entirely.  I think that perhaps many of us woman have (rightly) come to expect chivalry but fail to actively receive it.  We know that women deserve to be treated a certain way but we forget that a response is required on our part.  And because of this, we often come off as being just plain rude and presumptuous.  It’s not that we need to act a certain way in order to deserve to be treated with respect; we deserve respect simply by virtue of the fact that we are women.  Likewise, men deserve respect, graciousness, and—yes—protection from temptation when we are able to help, by our dressing modestly.

The most important way to respond to chivalry is to respect it.  There are many ways we can disrespect chivalry, but one of the worst is to take advantage of it for selfish reasons.  Proverbs 31:30 says, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”  It’s true that our simple charm as women is one of our most powerful tools, but it’s easy to forget that.  Be careful not to string guys along if you think they could be romantically interested in you and you don’t feel the same way (and get real; you’re beautiful, and if he’s spending a ton of time with you, of course he is romantically interested in you).

Other ways to respond to chivalry: Don’t forget that “thank you” goes a long way.  Yes, we should have high expectations for the way a man should treat us, but that doesn’t mean we are excused from being grateful when a guy does the right thing.  In general, just being courteous and eager to serve (as all Christians, regardless of gender, are called to do) is a good way to respond to chivalry.

What are your thoughts?

 

Posted in Dating & Relationships

Rally for Religious Freedom

Posted on March 22, 2012 by Mary| 1 Comment

Have you heard about the rally for religious freedom happening across the country tomorrow, March 23rd, at noon?  Over 100 cities are participating.

Check out this website to find the rally nearest you.  Come out and support religious freedom for all Americans.

“We wish to clarify what this debate is—and is not—about.  This is not about access to contraception, which is ubiquitous and inexpensive, even when it is not provided by the Church’s hand and with the Church’s funds.  This is not about the religious freedom of Catholics only, but also of those who recognize that their cherished beliefs may be next on the block.  This is not about the Bishops’ somehow ‘banning contraception,’ when the U.S. Supreme Court took that issue off the table two generations ago.  Indeed, this is not about the Church wanting to force anybody to do anything; it is instead about the federal government forcing the Church—consisting of its faithful and all but a few of its institutions—to act against Church teachings.  This is not a matter of opposition to universal healthcare, which has been a concern of the Bishops’ Conference since 1919, virtually at its founding.  This is not a fight we want or asked for, but one forced upon us by governments on its own timing.  Finally, this is not a Republican or Democratic, a conservative or liberal issue; it is an American issue.”

-A Statement of the Administrative Committee of the US Conference of Catholic Bishops; March 14, 2012

For more information on the rally, click here.  Please continue to keep this issue in your prayers.

Posted in Pop Culture, Stuff Catholics Do

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5 Reasons Why YOUNG Catholics Should Pray a Daily Rosary

Posted on March 20, 2012 by Mary| 36 Comments

Let’s be honest.  The rosary isn’t the most popular prayer amongst our age group.  It’s the prayer that we sometimes got guilt-tripped into reciting on long car rides with the family, or guilt-tripped into reciting while at the Lenten prayer service, or guilt-tripped into reciting when…well, you get the picture.  For many of us, the rosary is pretty much just the result of a guilt trip.

However, despite what preconceived notions or feelings you may have towards the rosary, I submit to you that it should be a regular part of your daily life as a young Catholic.  Why?  Five main reasons:

1. In the fight against temptation and against Satan, a wimpy and sporadic prayer life simply will not do.

What does the prayer life of most people our age look like?  Most likely: whatever we feel like that day.  This is, quite simply, a recipe for disaster, and a fast-track to grave sin.

If you’re not accustomed to it, developing the habit of praying a daily rosary (or any consistent daily prayer) is difficult.  Because of this, we can easily come up with a thousand reasons why getting in a rosary every day is just not all that important.  The Catechism describes this battle of prayer:

2725 Prayer is both a gift of grace and a determined response on our part. It always presupposes effort. The great figures of prayer of the Old Covenant before Christ, as well as the Mother of God, the saints, and he himself, all teach us this: prayer is a battle. Against whom? Against ourselves and against the wiles of the tempter who does all he can to turn man away from prayer, away from union with God. We pray as we live, because we live as we pray. If we do not want to act habitually according to the Spirit of Christ, neither can we pray habitually in his name. The “spiritual battle” of the Christian’s new life is inseparable from the battle of prayer.

So, we turn to the one of the most powerful weapons in our arsenal: the rosary.

“The holy Rosary is a powerful weapon. Use it with confidence and you’ll be amazed at the results.” -Saint Josemaria Escriva

“No one can live continually in sin and continue to say the Rosary: either they will give up sin or they will give up the Rosary” -Bishop Hugh Doyle

2. Because “World Peace” isn’t just a go-to answer for beauty pageant contestants

Prayer may be described both as an internal struggle and as a spiritual battle, but as Christians, we are always faced with the task of bringing the peace of Christ to a confused and hurting world.  How are we even to begin to go about this?

Mary literally gave us the answer to this herself.  And then she made the sun dance.

If you’re not familiar with Mary’s apparitions at Fatima, she appeared several times to three children at the beginning of the twentieth century.  Her message:

Our Lady stressed the importance of praying the Rosary in each of Her apparitions, asking the children to pray the Rosary every day for peace. Another principal part of the Message of Fatima is devotion to Our Lady’s Immaculate Heart, which is terribly outraged and offended by the sins of humanity, and we are lovingly urged to console Her by making reparation. She showed Her Heart, surrounded by piercing thorns (which represented the sins against Her Immaculate Heart), to the children, who understood that their sacrifices could help to console Her.

Again and again, Mary has appealed to us in her apparitions to pray the rosary daily.  Why not do as she says?

3. Because Jesus listens to his mom

We see this in John’s account of the gospel, when Jesus transforms the water into wine after Mary tells him they had run out at the wedding (John 2:1-11).  In a similar way to the Old Testament, when the King listened to and respected the Queen Mother, so Jesus respects and listens to his Mother, Mary, Queen of Heaven.

“And the king said to her, ‘Make your request, my mother; for I will not refuse you” -1 Kings 2:20

Of course we can go straight to Jesus, but he has given us his Mother as well (John 19:27).  And as we know from the gospel, Jesus hastens to answer his Mother’s requests.

4. Miracles Happen

“Among all the devotions approved by the Church, none has been so favored by so many miracles as the devotion of the Most Holy Rosary.”  -Pope Pius IX

Books could be filled (and, in fact, have been filled) with stories of miraculous healings, conversions, and other events brought about by the regular recitation of the rosary.  There’s no reason to expect the rosary not to bring about some dramatic and powerful change in your life as well.

5. Because meditation helps us to “see for the first time”

The rosary is meant to be the “epitome of the entire Gospel”.  When we pray the rosary, we are engaging in the practice of mediation

CCC 2708: Meditation engages thought, imagination, emotion, and desire. This mobilization of faculties is necessary in order to deepen our convictions of faith, prompt the conversion of our heart, and strengthen our will to follow Christ. Christian prayer tries above all to meditate on the mysteries of Christ, as in lectio divina or the rosary. This form of prayerful reflection is of great value, but Christian prayer should go further: to the knowledge of the love of the Lord Jesus, to union with him.

Mediation is meant to lead us as a step along the way to true knowledge of the Lord, to personal union with Jesus.  As GK Chesterton said, “If you look at a thing 999 times, you are perfectly safe; if you look at it for the 1000th time, you are in danger of seeing it for the first time.”  This is what we attempt to do in mediation – to see for the first time.  We meditate on the stories of the Gospel as we pray with Mary to help us see Jesus for the first time, to fall in love with Him by meditating upon his life.

So get the beads out and start praying!  You won’t regret it :)

Posted in Stuff Catholics Do, You & God

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No Post Today (Except This One)

Posted on March 15, 2012 by Mary| 2 Comments

My writing energy these next couple of days is being spent on final exams and papers for school—sorry!  I will be back with posts next week.  In the meantime, here are some suggestions of things to do between now and the next time we meet:

Pray a rosary!

Fly a kite!

Call your grandma!

Send me ideas for more sources to use in my paper on John 4! :)

Pray for me!

Pray for each other!

Pray for this guy!

And, if you haven’t been…

Stay informed with regards to the fight we currently find ourselves in, as Catholics and as Americans, to safeguard our religious liberty. 

Posted in Other Rants