This is another great guest post from my friend, Kaylee! Kaylee is a college sophomore seeking to grow in holiness. If you’re interested in submitting a guest post, send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org
Most of us young people are looking for that special person, hoping that we have either already found them, or that they are coming our way soon. It’s a tricky thing, trying to know if this person is someone God is calling you to date; and it’s easy to go about it with yourself leading the way instead of God leading the way. It’s tempting for us to try and take control of the relationship because we feel that it will ensure that it ends up better and happier. We as humans just have this natural desire to be in control of situations. It is so natural to us that we tend to do it without even noticing it at all.
This is something that I have really been reflecting on lately. In trying to understand myself and others when it comes to relationships, I have been reflecting on how we handle ourselves and how we are discerning God’s will.
I was talking to one of my friends the other night about a young man she had feelings for, and one of the things that came up was the fear of not being liked back. What I said to her was something that really stuck with me (I tend to have little mini epiphanies when I sort out my thoughts verbally). I said that if someone ends up not ‘liking’ you, its not because of anything you did; its not because you weren’t good enough, pretty enough, funny enough. It doesn’t mean you are not ‘good enough.’
Above all: it does not mean you need to be something else, because anything else isn’t you.
I’ve noticed that we have this tendency of taking hold of things once they are within our reach, instead of letting them naturally float to us. If you meet someone and think they are great, then great! It’s good to be interested in someone. If God gives you a person that pulls on your heart, don’t turn from them, simply turn towards them. Once we have recognized this person we must remember to be patient and unafraid. The reason I say ‘unafraid’ is because we must not fear the idea of them turning around. We must be aware and open to the possibility of them not wanting to date us. This goes right back to what I was telling my friend: if it turns out to be nothing, then let it be nothing because it’s better to have a genuine and peaceful “nothing” than a forced “something.”
Having said that, we should never feel like we have to become something ‘better’ than ourselves to keep the other interested. Don’t get me wrong, it’s always nice to wear that new dress, or that nicely pressed shirt when you are hoping to see them next, but there’s a difference between changing the core of who you are and presenting yourself confidently.
Why would you give them someone that isn’t you?
When it comes to relationships, we need to be aware of these tendencies we have to try and take control of the situation and to change, even very minimally, who we are. If I go into a hopeful relationship with my heart grabbing for anything it can reach, I will fall victim to my own selfish desires. If I go into it changing who I am, I will become a liar. But, if I am patient, true to myself, and let it come to me, with knowledge and peace at the idea that it could float away at anytime, I allow so much more room for God to work His perfect plan.