Author Archives: Mary

What Guys are Saying About Those FB Pics…

Posted on May 17, 2012 by Mary| 14 Comments

Before I get into this [again], I’d like to state that I’m really not trying to be dogmatic about this whole bikini thing.  No, there’s no ban on bikinis anywhere in the Catechism, and no, I’m not saying that if you wear one you’re damned to Hell.

However, I got a lot of feedback from women last week who just weren’t all that convinced by my 4 reasons to keep bikini pictures off Facebook (Apparently my word is not law after all…oh well).

So, while recognizing that you’re completely entitled to your own opinion and are free to make your own decisions and all that whatnot, I’d just like all of you ladies to be a tad more informed on what is actually going on in the minds of some of the more outspoken boys (clearly, not men) of the interweb.  In their own words—in response to my bold claim that there actually exist decent men out there who are inclined to hide bikini pictures from their Facebook newsfeeds:

  • “Well I know I hide the bikini shots….saving them is hiding them, right?”
  • “On #2, when they talk about hiding it, does that mean saving it to that special folder on my desktop?”
  • “As if any man would “hide” your bikini body on his newsfeed. Whoever told her that was either lying or gay”
  • “She is kind of right in that some women just want to post pics of a fun day WITMY GURLZ without realizing that dudes will be ogling the **** out of those pics on FB”
  • “Right click + save IS the Hide function, you nitwit!”
  • “75% of men look and 25% lie”
  • “Seriously man who needs porn when Facebook exists” 

And the comment that I found the most disturbing (not to mention misguided, as there have been countless studies showing the negative/addictive effects of pornography):

  • “…my point is that ‘objectifying’ doesn’t really go too far. A man who is mature and smart enough to separate fantasy from reality does no harm in using a random facebook woman to model for his imagination. No harm done in the real world.”

I realize that the Internet has a way of bringing out the creeps, weirdos, and pervs of the world, but keep in mind that Facebook is also a part of the Internet.   To sum all of this up with the words of another male commentator: “I have thought for a long time that if women understood the way men’s brains worked, they wouldn’t dress the way they do.”

And I stand by my statement.  The truly mature and smart men out there (yes, the ones you want to date and be friends with), will not objectify you.  As one such man puts it:

I confess that I am one of those guys who hides the bikini pictures on my Facebook news feed. So what do I think about this? …Guys, ultimately, whatever goes on in your head is your responsibility and that girl on the beach is not making you sin. But…girls…we need help…

Us men have no idea what it’s like to be a woman and to go through the struggles you go through. You do incredible things and we’re kind of left standing around like a bunch of half-witted louts wondering how exactly you girls do what you do. But on the same level of intellectual honesty, you have no idea what it’s like to be a man. And for Christian guys, the struggle of taking dominion over our masculinity is that much harder. Our identity in Christ forms us into men who want to put the Lord first in our lives. But our culture is all about objectifying women and turning them into vehicles for lust. There is tremendous cultural pressure for us to go along with that, and it is a daily battle, nay, a daily war that we fight to keep it at bay. It is the grace of God and nothing else that keeps us pure and waiting on Him.

But sisters, we need help. When we hang out with our Christian sisters, it is a place of safety for us. Or at least it should be. We need to be able to trust that you are going to place your trust in God… just as we fight to protect you. And it is so hard to fight that battle when our Christian sisters are dressing in the same swimsuits that the world finds fashionable. We are fighting to respect you and trust me when I say that those bikinis do not help.

So there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, straight from the mouths of men (and boys).  It’s your decision whether or not to listen.

 

Posted in Pop Culture

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Redefining Marriage, and How Stupid I Will Look in 40 Years

Posted on May 15, 2012 by Mary| 31 Comments

I saw this little gem making its rounds in the world of social media last week on the heels of North Carolina’s passage of Amendment One, which defined marriage as being between one man and one woman.

 

Now, I’m not particularly fond of being called “stupid” (whether it be in the past, present, or future tense), so naturally I was a little offended.  Of course, name-calling usually stems from ignorance, so I’d like to take the opportunity to clarify what I believe (and what the Catholic Church teaches) about how gay people ought to be treated.  Brace yourselves.  It’s pretty “out there.”

Are you ready?

Here it is:

“They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity.  Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided”  (CCC 2358)

Crazy, huh?  Yes, the Catechism of the Catholic Church— archaic and backward thinking as it is—actually says that about how Christians are to act towards gay people.  The nerve!

It also says (and we can only assume that Nancy Pelosi just hasn’t read this far…) that marriage is meant for one man and one woman, at which point many cry out “Hypocrites!  That’s unjust discrimination!”

I’d like to here point out, with the help of an image found on the interweb, that same-sex marriage is not an “equal rights” issue:

When it comes down to it, all individuals have the same rights when it comes to marriage.  As crazy as I am about my fiancé, the state isn’t going to recognize our marriage as valid just because we both think the other is super awesome and we love spending time together.  We are free to feel that way and spend all the time we want to together without the consent of the state.  But marriage is about more than feelings, and yes: it is even about more than pledging to live your life with and for another person for as long as you both shall live.  The state has other reasons for recognizing marriage, but I’ll let you research those on your own.

There is no question.  We are called to love one another as God loves us, and to treat everyone we meet with dignity and respect.

Just please: never again use, or accept as sound logic, the argument that denying same-sex couples the right to marry is unjust discrimination.  Regardless of race, religion, or sexual orientation, all individuals have the exact same rights when it comes to marriage in the eyes of the state.  Anyone who says otherwise is simply not thinking logically.

Also, comparing the peaceful protests of the redefinition of marriage to the violent mobs and race riots of the 1960s is as intellectually dishonest as it is offensive—to both African Americans and homosexual persons.

Posted in Dating & Relationships, Other Rants, Pop Culture, Stuff Catholics Do

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Good From Bad

Posted on May 10, 2012 by Mary| 1 Comment

Something I’ve been thinking about lately: God has this incredible way of bringing something good out of even the darkest of situations.  Case and point – Jesus rose from the dead (and you know…opened the gates of Heaven for all who believe).  Talk about good coming out of a horribly dark and terrible event!

Accordingly, we have great cause for hope in all of the dark situations in our own lives.  We need only to look at God’s track record.  It’s as if He looks upon us and says, “Oh, you messed up?  Ok, you shouldn’t have done that… but watch what I can do with your mistake.  Do you now see how much I love you?  Do you now trust that my laws are in place for your own happiness?” No matter what we’ve done or how far we have fallen away, we have a God so much bigger than even our greatest sins that He can draw good out of them—and He does this out of love for us.

Obviously this is great news for us.  But let’s get one thing straight.  The fact that God can (and does) bring good out of bad situations does not mean that God renders a bad decision into a good one.

Adam and Eve still sinned in rejecting God’s command.  Pilate still sinned in handing Jesus over to be crucified.  God uses these sins as opportunities to shower down graces upon us, and to show how utterly defenseless Satan is against Him, but this does not change the fact that the acts were disordered, wrong, and sinful.  Likewise, when God brings good out of the dark times in our lives (whether those times are the result of our own actions, or of someone else’s actions affecting us), we do well to distinguish between the sin and God’s grace.

“…where sin increased, grace overflowed all the more” (Romans 5:20).

Praise God for continually bringing good from bad!  May we, who were baptized into Christ’s death, be raised with Him to walk in newness of life. (Romans 6:1-4)

 

Posted in You & God

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On Being Cheerful in the Face of Stupid-Heads

Posted on May 8, 2012 by Mary| 12 Comments

Ok, so “stupid-head” may not be the most charitable descriptor, but the point is: sometimes other people say or do things that hurt us or, at the very least, make us angry.

Of course, we have all heard that the Christian thing to do is to “turn the other cheek,” “forgive and forget,” and other clichés.  We also know that Scripture tells us that we ought not be surprised at trials and hardships—and that we especially shouldn’t be surprised at insults and persecutions that come as a result of our preaching the Gospel.  Jesus told us plainly, “If they persecuted me, they will persecute you” (John 15:20).

But knowing all of that doesn’t always make it easy to handle when you’re just going about your business, being who you are and, all of a sudden, someone calls you fat and ugly for simply suggesting that bikinis may not be the most modest of swim attire (Speaking in strictly hypothetical terms, of course :) ).

Not that I’m trying to make myself into some prophet or martyr being persecuted “for righteousness’ sake,” it’s just that dealing with rude remarks and hurt feelings is part of the deal in life—for all of us.

My mother, if she weren’t the holy and kind woman that she is, would be the first to tell you that I have a fuse about the size of thumbtack.  I have most definitely been on the stupid-headed end of an exchange on more occasions than I wish to admit.  But here’s the thing about stupid-headedness: when there are two bullies in the conversation, the finger can easily be pointed at either one as being the bad guy.  When there’s only one, no finger needs to be pointed.  It’s plain as day who the stupid-head is, as well as who is the one being unfairly bullied.

All that this means is that we need to rise above.  We can’t engage in name-calling, heavy doses of sarcasm, or any other kind of verbal abuse even if it’s being thrown in our face (and it should go without saying that under no circumstances should we be the one to initiate conversations in any such manner).  It’s never going to be an effective means of evangelization if these elements are present, and our entire life is meant to be a witness to Jesus Christ.

It doesn’t mean we have to be so serious in discussions and/or play the wounded puppy if other people are mean to us.  It actually means just the opposite.  Stupid-headedness doesn’t know how to react to cheerfulness.  It expects the sarcastic reply or the insult hurled back at it.  It gets caught off-guard when we have the courage to not take ourselves so seriously as to get offended at every rebuke.  We know who we are: we are God’s children—who can be against us?

And of course, you always have the option to respectfully walk away from a conversation from a bully that simply has made it his or her goal to demoralize you.

Posted in Young & Stupid

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4 Reasons to Keep Bikini Pictures Off Facebook

Posted on May 3, 2012 by Mary| 305 Comments

Even though the weather in my neck of the woods as of late would seem to indicate otherwise, the calendar is telling me that summer is just around the corner.  You know what that means: Beach Season!

If you recall, last summer was My First Summer Without a Bikini, and honestly, I haven’t looked back (and am even a little surprised that it has only been a year since I stopped wearing bikinis).  Even still, I remember and understand the desire girls have to show off that new beach body and especially that new summertime swimsuit.  And in the age of Facebook, what better way to show off than by uploading a picture?  It seems harmless, and everyone else does it anyway…

But before you upload those pictures this summer, you may want to check out these 4 reasons to reconsider the bikini pictures:

1)   Because EVERYONE that you are friends with (and more, depending on privacy settings) can see these pictures.

Let’s stop and think about this for just a minute.  Think carefully of all 812 of your friends.  I’m sure you will come across at least one person that you wouldn’t want staring at you in a bikini.

To put it another way: imagine putting on your bikini and knocking on the front door of random Facebook friend—we’ll call him “Bob”—‘s house, and then just saying, “Feel free to stare at me.  I’m just going to stand here smiling.”

Are you sufficiently creeped out?  Unfortunately, that’s really not much different than what you’re doing by posting that “super cute” bikini picture of yourself on Facebook.

(If you’re having trouble thinking of who looks at your Facebook, here are some ideas to start you off: Uncle Jim, that kid you went to highschool with, the random guy you added because he kind of looked familiar but you’re not really sure you know in real life, potential employers, your lab partner, etc.)

2) Because the good guys (i.e. – the guys you want to date) will choose to “hide” those pictures from their newsfeeds anyway

We ladies can be so naïve.  That picture we took at the beach with our friends last Saturday?  We see it as a great shot of us with our friends just having a good time, looking cute in our new bathing suit, and are thankful those crunches have paid off because our abs look darn good.  We even often post these pictures with the hopes of catching the attention of that cute guy from school.

This is so misguided though.  Assuming the guy you’re interested in is a good guy trying to do the right thing, he will not want to objectify you by reducing you to a mere collection of body parts.  But asking a guy not to reduce you to a collection of body parts and then presenting him with an image of basically nothing but body parts is sending some seriously conflicting signals.  (That picture is not inviting him to admire your beautiful smile…)

In other words, if the guy that you want to see this picture is a good guy with some discipline, he is going to hide the picture from his newsfeed because it’s an occasion of sin that he is wise enough to eliminate (and I have this on the authority of some pretty spectacular dudes).  If he’s not, well then he’s just going to objectify you without a second thought.  It’s a lose-lose situation.  Either way, you’re definitely not getting the kind of attention you want.

3)   Because you’d never post a picture of yourself in your bra and underwear on Facebook

Right?  Of course right.  Let’s stop pretending that a pictures of us wearing material covering the exact same amount of skin looks any different.

4)   Because your beauty is more than your body

Like I said, you will definitely attract attention from guys by posting pictures of yourself in your bikini, but they’re not going to be focused on your beautiful smile or your magnetic personality.  Don’t believe me?  Just check out the comments on anyone of you or your friends’ current bikini pictures.  I’ll bet they all read something along the lines of, “Dayyyum, girl!” and use words primarily like, “hot,” or “sexy.” You’ll be hard-pressed to find a “beautiful” or a “lovely,” but isn’t this the kind of attention we want far more than being referred to as, “hot”?

It’s a cheap way to get attention, and let’s face it: it’s beneath you.  You’re beautiful, and you don’t have to post a half-naked picture of yourself on Facebook to prove it.

 

Posted in Pop Culture

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